What Do You Want to Do?

An old friend called me yesterday about a job I had wanted. She asked if I was still interested in working at that particular place. Good thing it was a voice mail, because had we been having a "live" conversation, I probably would have fumbled a bunch of sentences, basically meaning, "I HAVE NO IDEA!" But, it's probably not good to give out that impression. The impression that, at 24 years old, I am a mess. 

I've been thinking a lot about what I want lately. As in, what do I want to do. Some may say that it's not about what I want, and I get that. But isn't it a little bit? Shouldn't we want to do whatever it is we do? I hope whenever I do settle into a "career," or whatever I settle into, it is something I enjoy. I think we should all wake up excited about what we do and go to sleep thinking about ways to improve it. That can only happen if you do something that you want to do.

So what is it that I want to do? I HAVE NO IDEA!

Boyfriends Are Ruining My Social Calendar

My friends need to stop getting boyfriends. This epidemic is putting a damper on my social life. Seriously, if you can't provide me with an adequate boyfriend, don't get one yourself. Because what happens is this: We still hang out, but when he's out of town, or doing something else, or worse, also there. I love your boyfriend, he's fun, but let's face it--no one likes being the third wheel. We also usually just hang out doing the stuff you haven't already done with him. We go to the mall or watch a chick flick, because the two of you already saw the Blockbuster hit. You also went with him to the play I want to see. Meanwhile, I'm trying to contact my few still-single friends to see if someone, anyone, will go to a concert with me. 

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand. If I had a boyfriend, I would definitely do those things with him and not with you, my single friend. Sure, I'd try to make you feel comfortable being the third wheel, and maybe we'd have some success. However, I would appreciate if boyfriends came in sets. You know, when one girl gets hers, her closest friends also get one. That would solve so many problems.

I didn't even get to go to the fair this year. 

Naming Animals [About the Title]

    One of Adam's first tasks as a human being was to name the animals God had created. God brought them all to Adam and he gave each creature a word to be theirs.

Once an artist, named Makoto Fujimura, came and spoke during chapel at Union University. One of the things he mentioned was that the job of a poet is to name animals. 

     I think what he meant is, just as Adam gave a word to each creature, poets, and all writers, give words to creation. 

     This is what I hope to do as a writer. Life is sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes completely senseless, and everything in between. I've always heard that the writer's job is to give words life, but my goal is the opposite: I want to give life words.

Lesson from the Israelites #1

I wrote this a while ago ("wallago", as it is pronounced here in TN). But, I've recently been reading more about the Israelites, so this will be first in a sort of series. 

I recently ran across a verse that I had never noticed before. Right in the heart of the story of the Israelites leaving Egypt is Exodus 13:17-18. It says, “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle.”

          We know how the story turns out. We know that the Israelites are going to get to the Red Sea, God is going to command Moses to stretch his hand over the sea, the waters will part, the Israelites will walk across dry land, and the Egyptians will get swallowed by the waters. We know this. The Israelites did not.

            They came out of Egypt and were met with a guide: a cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. This cloud/fire was leading them straight to the sea. 

            I can just imagine the Israelites following this cloud/fire and talking amongst themselves, finally getting brave enough to confront Moses. I can see them coming up to him one by one, maybe in groups sometimes, to offer their advice. “Hey, Moses, my brother has been out this way before, and he says we’re headed right into the Red Sea. And, uh, I can’t swim that well.” “Moses, did we take a wrong turn somewhere back there?” “Hey, I realize that you said we should follow this cloud, but are you sure it’s leading us in the right direction?”

            I can see Moses just walking on, his eyes fixed to the cloud before Him.

            The thing the Israelites (and we) may not have realized is that God was saving them a lot of trouble by leading them to the water. The other option was war. Sure, God could have led them to victory, but I personally think that a bunch of angry people with weapons is a little scarier than the beach. God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt” (vs. 17). I guess building pyramids is also on the list of things less scary than angry people with weapons.

            There’s another reason I think God might have led the people to the water instead of the warzone. If the Israelites had gone to war, God probably would have let them win. They were His chosen people, after all. But, it would be a lot easier to take credit for winning a war than moving a sea. It would be believable to say, “We defeated all these people. We are that good at warfare.” To say, “We moved all this water. We are that good at controlling nature.” is not so believable. There is no way the Israelites could have made a path through the Red Sea and then have the walls of water collapse at just the right moment for the Israelites to be safely across and the Egyptians to be crushed by the waves. That had to be God.

            God, like us, knows the end of the Israelite’s story. He knew the Israelites better than they knew themselves. The verse says that they were already dressed for battle. They thought that fighting Philistines was inevitable. But God realized that the Israelites were finicky. He also knew how much greater the story could be.

            The reason I like this passage so much is that I sometimes feel like I’m on a desert road. For example, I was prepared, after college, to become a wife and mother. I had heard all my life that it would happen that way. When the option of marriage failed to present itself, I was a little lost. I began to travel the desert road. I have wandered in unemployment and changing goals. So far my desert road has made me question God a few times, “Are you sure this is the right way?” I sometimes feel clueless, like I’m going toward the beach dressed in armor.

I have hope during my desert-road wandering, because God led the Israelites to the Red Sea. I am looking forward to witnessing my Red Sea. I think I can see the beach in the distance and I’m wondering what will happen when I get there. For now, I’m just trying not to offer God any advice or question where He’s leading me, because I’m sure He’s got something planned that’s better than anything I could have suggested.

"Are there any guys?"

This is the question my mother asks whenever I go to any new activities and/or places where I might meet anyone my age. 

I told her that all the people my age at my (temporary) workplace work in the other groups. She jumped straight to "You should have told them in the interview that you're looking for a mate." A mate. 

No, not someone to eat lunch with, someone to make fun of our co-workers with, a friend, a boyfriend, a fiance or even a husband--a mate. 

And people wonder why I take dating so seriously. I cannot just go get coffee with someone of the opposite sex. I am looking for a mate. Someone to be with forever and with whom I can procreate.* This is a little more difficult.

*This is, of course, according to my mother. Not my real views on dating. I have no problem with coffee (green tea frappaccinos) with someone of the opposite sex.

Church (by myself)

I have now been to church all by myself twice. I think I'm growing up.

I have put off visiting churches because I don't like to go alone. I don't like sitting by myself anywhere, not even while the person I am with goes to the bathroom, so church by myself seems daunting. Then, the fact that different churches handle things differently also gives me reason to worry. If someone's with you, then at least you're not the only one that sips from the communion cup instead of just dipping the bread. It's also good to have a partner if you are the only ones wearing jeans, or if you're the only ones dressed up. At least then there are two people who look out of place. 

Sunday School is a completely different story. For people who are my age and single, this can be especially frustrating. There is the "singles" class that the well-meaning greeters try to pressure you into. Most of the time, these singles are, as my friend says, "single for a reason." They are the forty-year-old divorcees and the cat ladies. I believe that there are some great divorcees and cat people out there, but I would rather learn and fellowship with people in my stage of life. So, the other option is the college class. Well, I am no longer in college. I have had my share of Sunday School lessons on dating, doing my best in school, and following God's direction for what to major in. Also, I will be there every Sunday, not just during the summer and winter breaks. 

I find myself going to churches without Sunday School as a result. These churches have small groups. Small groups are a similar story, though. They usually throw in a "young professionals" group, though. This is good. What is not good is that many of these young professionals are engaged, married, and having babies. They aren't necessarily available for socializing outside of class. Not to mention, how in the world do you find a date when all the guys are already taken? (Note: this is not why I go to church, but you and I both know that every single person scopes out the other singles at church events. "They" say it's a great place to find a mate.)

I have triumphed over my fears for at least two Sundays now. Albeit, I had been to this church before and knew that jeans were okay and they dip the bread, so that took away a few fears. I'm still working up the nerve to join a small group, though.

Starting a Blog (sort of)

I felt that I needed a blog. People keep asking if I have one. Since I like to please people, I decided to just do it. I've done blogs before (remember the Xanga phase?) and I even started this one a while back ago, and then abandoned it.

For this one, I needed a title, a subtitle, an address, and I needed to pick the colors, the text, everything. Way too many decisions for someone like me. I hope I decided well. 

This blog will be about life as I know it in the Bible Belt. Life as I know it can be seen as boring, or fascinating and I'm choosing the latter (most days). I will recount my trials and challenges both as a writer and as a single woman living in this wonderful world of Singles' Sunday School and "Must have 5 years publishing experience or equivalent." 

One day I'll look back on all this and laugh...