Letter to the British Customs Officer I met upon my arrival in England

The following is a letter that will never be mailed. This is not an original concept, but I'm taking it. I would say that this will be a sort of series, but we saw how that last series turned out, so I'm making no promises.

Dear British Customs Officer,

I am writing to apologize. You see, these past four years, I have been telling everyone that you were rude to me. I have recently been enlightened and now feel you were more than likely only trying to help me. In case you do not remember our brief conversation in the London Gatwick Airport, I have recreated our dialogue below:

You: How long will you be staying in the country?

Me: About three months

You: And what is the reason for your visit?

Me: I am studying abroad. See my paper? (I was nervous that you wouldn't let me in the country.)

You: What are you studying?

Me: English

You: Are you learning to speak it?

Me: Hopefully, I already know how to speak it!

You: Well, hopefully isn't a word.

Me (fighting back tears): oh.

First, I would like to respectfully point out to you, sir, that "hopefully" is, in fact, a word. However, I admit I used it improperly in the sentence above. I meant to say, "I should hope I already know how to speak English". Instead, you, sir, heard "Full of hope, I already know how to speak it!" and that sounds quite foolish. I apologize for my ignorance and I must say, thank you, sir, for trying to educate one ignorant American student. I suppose someone like yourself might say that I am only a product of an ignorant country, but do not blame America. It is my own fault. A responsible student would have researched the word shortly after our conversation and not spent four years calling you a rude man.

For my thoughtless behavior, dear sir, I am sorry.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth