at work...

I get asked some fun questions at work...who knew people expect church secretaries to know everything? Good thing I do know how to use Google.

Deborah [the receptionist/ministry assistant] was out of the office for a few days last week, so I got to answer the phones. Here is just a glimpse of some things I was asked:

--a senior adult: "Where can I find a video of your rap?"

--on the phone:
    Church Member: "Is Deborah there?"
    Me: "No, she's out."
    Church Member: "Okay, well, weird question: Do you know what they make stencils out of?"
    Me: "Like, the plastic?"
    Church Member: "Is that called mylar? or mylemar?"
    Me: "I have no idea."
   My question is, would Deborah have known the answer?

--on the phone, after a confusing discussion about preschool programs/early childhood education:
    Lady: "It's been a while since I've been in the Southern Baptist church. The miracles in the Bible--you all believe they're true?"
    Me: "Yes, that's what we believe."
    Lady: "Okay, good. Just making sure."

--a church member's mother passed away this week at the age of 108. At least three people told me how old she was. She was born in 1902. She retired in the 50s. She has definitely seen some crazy stuff.

--Church Member: "You work here now?"
   Me: "Yes, sir." (since last year)
   Church Member: "Several new people working here, now."
   Me: polite laugh.

what. a. week.

The last seven days of my life, in outline form. [btw, I do know the rules on outlines. I chose not to follow all of them.] You're welcome.

• At the wedding of my life-long friend, Joanna
• "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride" please don't apply to me.
• My friend's mom told me "Yours [meaning my wedding, though it took a second for me to grasp that] is next year. Are you ready for that?" What?? (<-Which is, literally, what I said to her.)
• After the wedding
• I was asked at least twice what I was planning to do with my Master's degree.
• I surprised myself by knowing the answer
• That answer was extremely vague
• Sometimes you just need a friend to tell you you aren't crazy
• On the way to and from the wedding, I listened to a dramatic reading of Screwtape Letters. I highly recommend both dramatic readings for long car rides and the letters of Screwtape.
• At work this week:
• I was asked on Monday to write the intro to the sermon
• I was actually asked if I could "Script out the sermon." I later found out this meant the intro only.
• It's about lying. So, if you should ever need an intro for a talk about lying, let me know. There may or may not be a small fee.
• I made a Justin Bieber wig for a stuffed beaver.
• Justin Beaver--get it?
• I tweeted about it
• I got a Reply Tweet from one @elusivebeaver (whom I do not follow, nor does he/she/it follow me) accusing me of wrongly harassing the beaver population
• It was kind of a lame attempt at a wig, therefore, no picture
• I learned what a "gnome sky" looks like
• It looks like colored tissue paper wadded up and stapled to a wall
• This is not scientificly proven
• I spent approximately 20 minutes lodged behind a desk, sitting on a milk crate (because I'm short), with sock puppets on my hands, performing a puppet show with the children's minister.
• We had to literally slide on our stomachs to get under the desk. The one day I didn't wear jeans this week.
• Were there kids present? No.
• This is on film. Well, the puppet show is, not the sliding under a desk part.
• I went to a website training seminar all day on Thursday
• It was dumbed-down for church secretaries, so I understood everything.
• except the conversation between the media minister/graphic designer next to me
• I think they were making fun of my mac
• The seminar wasn't boring. 
• I actually enjoyed learning all the cool stuff we can do with our website
• I realized that if I actually did all of this cool stuff, I would have no time left in my work week to write scripts for sermons and put on puppet shows in the choir storage closet.
• All of this somehow falls under the "other tasks as assigned" category on my job description.
• This is the fourth blog post this week. 
• crazy.
• don't get used to it.
• most viewed post in one day ever on my blog? Things I've Learned Being Friends with Boys

So there you have it--the last seven days in my life.
How was your week? Anything exciting/interesting/completely mundane happen?

yo, check it

I wrote a rap.

I got into the assignment by accident. See, at work, we have these creative meetings where we plan out sermon illustrations, kids videos, logo designs, and other creative stuff. The particular meeting where I was assigned rap-writing duty was one to discuss creative elements for a sermon series on the Ten Commandments. The pastor said something about the sixth commandment (do not murder) and how he wasn't going to simply preach on physically killing people. I replied, to clarify, "Like, killing in the head?"

Somehow that translated in his mind to "Killin' in da Head"--the perfect title for a rap. Since I was the one to "come up with the title", I was assigned to writing the rap (also probably because everyone thought it would be funny to make me write a rap).

Using this (hilarious) guide, along with this video, I wrote a rap.

Without further ado, "Killin' in da Head":

Killin' in Da Head from FBC Goodlettsville on Vimeo.

Performed by Jeff Kelly and Ryan Coatney
Lyrics--Elizabeth Hyndman (2nd verse edits--Ryan Coatney)
Music--John Carroll
Video/Editing--Jeff Kelly