The thing about being a people-pleaser is that it can be a good thing. It's nice to want to make people pleased. However, I usually take it out of moderation and into the extreme. Then it is mostly not a good thing.
Por ejemplo, I recently came to realize that a person in my life does not think as highly of me as I once imagined. I think that this is actually a recent development--I feel that this person did, until recently, think fairly highly of me, but now I have moved down their list of favorite people. Perhaps this is all a figment of my imagination, but I have my suspicions.
Now, really, this is fine. It doesn't necessarily hurt my feelings that I no longer hold as high a place in this person's mind, but my problem is that I want to win my spot back. I have been obsessed with trying to figure out why I am no longer as liked and how I can be liked that much again. When I say obsessed, I mean that I sit thinking about it a lot--did I say something, do something, write something, not do something? I have even tossed and turned at night trying to figure it out.
This is not good.
It is so not good that it is wrong.
I realized this sometime in the midst of my scrutinizing every interaction I have ever had with this person.
Why, I thought, do I care so much? Because I am desperate for the approval of others. It sounds so silly and so sinful, not to mention a huge waste of time, when I just type it out like that, but it is the truth. And now it's on the internet.
I also thought about how much (or how little) time I spend obsessing over whether or not I am pleasing God. I mean, it sounds elementary, but I had forgotten to put into practice what I know so well--I should try to please God rather than people.
I'm not really sure why I am confessing all of this on the blog, but there it is.
[I was going to try to segue into these verses in a more creative fashion, but I need to watch about 100 lectures tonight (okay, maybe more like 4), and I've had an extremely creative week at work, so I'm zapped.]
Here are some verses that I'm going to try to obsess over, instead of obsessing over whether someone likes me to the same degree that they liked me yesterday:
John 5:44
How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?
Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for me, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
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